Update: I originally posted this back in 2012. Recently, I’ve read many posts here on WordPress concerning women who identify as lesbians and their presentation to the outside world. I chose to re-post this rather than create a new blog. All information is still pertinent with the exception that I no longer work at the retirement home.
It’s been a busy couple of days for me. Not bad busy just every day life busy. I’m not complaining. It sure beats vegging out in front of the tv. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing either. Let’s face it, every once in a while there is nothing better than watching pointless shows or movies to decompress. What it boils down to is that I’ve been busy so I have not been online for a couple of days. I’ll wait a couple of seconds for some of you to process the fact that someone could go on living without checking email or being online for 48 hours, on purpose.
So imagine my surprise when I checked my WordPress comments and found a nice little diddy from some nincompoop. I rarely ever read the spam that’s actually there. A couple of quick clicks and it’s gone but for some reason I actually read the first sentence or so while I was busy clicking and getting ready to delete the spams. . .but I held up, I didn’t go forth with pressing the button. Foolishly, I read the entire message.
This person, after I assuming read just one of my posts because they only mentioned one, feels I do not write enough about ‘lesbianism.’ They also assume my writing is fiction and not good fiction at that. They never told me what I should write about in order to be a ‘real’ lesbian but they are allowed to their opinion. Thanks to my partner, sk, I know that feelings are never wrong so I will not dispute their (short-sided) conclusions.
I can honestly say I’ve never been accused of not being lesbian enough. I am who I am. What kind of blog would I have if I used this more like a diary? It would be rather boring I’m afraid. Unless I included stories from work but then some people may think I’m making fun of or taking some serious cases too lightly. I work at a retirement home, or as I refer to it, a half-way house because most of our residents are really too needy for a typical retirement home but not too far gone that they should be in a long-term care facility. So yeah, I could tell you about Monday morning when one of them fell out of bed but got their nightshirt and underwear caught on the bedpost in such a way the only means we could free the man, who had been hanging upside down off the side of his bed for an hour or so, was to cut his underwear off. Or how about yesterday when I witnessed a resident experience a TIA (transient ischemic attack) or mini stroke while trying to stand up from one of the chairs in the lounge and pissed all over the place. I’m talking major waterfall. I think her entire bladder emptied on the spot.
My line of work, along with sk’s, is one in which we need to have a sense of humor otherwise we would cry. Is admitting that not lesbian enough? But do I get butch points for not owning a dress or skirt for over 20 years? I can look at a man and think he is handsome. Does that count as not lesbian enough? What if I said I paid more attention to a man’s cologne and made a mental note when I smelled one I really liked so I could buy it for myself later on? If I admit that the first thing I notice on a woman is her breasts or ass, depending on if she’s coming or going, does that count? What if I admit that if a woman is talking to me, and it happens to bore me, she will still keep my interest because I will focus on her lips. The way they move, curl up on one side, their size and color.
Here’s a lesbian insider secret. At some point in time, every lesbian has decided whether or not she would ever sleep with any of her female friends/co-workers/acquaintances, no matter what their sexual orientation. It could happen any time; a time as innocently as having lunch with her best straight friend, the friend she has known since they were both 16 is describing how her baby developed projectile vomit while at a doctor’s appointment. While she’s describing the doctor’s reaction to being covered in baby puke and the clean-up process, the lesbian, child-less, begins to focus on the lips moving. Before they go their separate ways, the lesbian will have decided if she would ever sleep with her. I’m not saying that we, the lesbians, would ever go through with it. Please don’t feel like you have to protect yourself from your lesbian friends. It’s just something we internally decide. Don’t act shocked; straight women do it all the time with the men in their lives. . .especially when you’re with your other straight friends and after a few drinks you all talk about the men you would or wouldn’t do. Yeah, very similar.
I don’t write porn or erotica so if you’re waiting on me to describe lesbian sex, go look elsewhere. I’m not a femme or a ‘lipstick’ lesbian so I won’t even try to talk about style and fashion. I know what I like, how I like it and what feels good. . .hmmm, that sounds a lot like sex doesn’t it? But in terms of fashion and style, I do not know the proper names for things and my knowledge of colors range from primary to secondary; only because I looked it up. Don’t ask me to decorate a room. My job is to help sk move furniture, hang up paintings, look very serious at the paint samples and then declare, “Yes Dear, that’s beautiful!”
Does any of this make me more or less lesbian? Is there a test one can take? I think sexuality is a spectrum and I’m pretty sure I’m as far as one can go to the lesbian side, well maybe there is a little wiggle room there. How many other lesbians are freaked out by Angelina Jolie? I mean, come on, those lips can’t save her from the memories of her with Billy Bob.